Just Like A Sister

I was recently shopping for a greeting card. As I searched through the rows of cards, I noticed one that said “To Someone Who Is Just Like A Sister”. That got me to thinking about what it takes to be “just like a sister”. The bond between sisters is very powerful and unique. It is rooted in love, on memories of a shared childhood and a similar belief system learned from the years of growing up in the same household. As adults, sisters lean on each other for support. Sisters can truly be themselves with each other – how can you fool someone who has seen you in diapers, has seen you with front teeth missing, knew you for years before you wore make-up, and has seen the hair style failures you experimented with? So, if this is truly what creates that bond between sisters, I wondered how does one become “just like” a sister?

As I pondered that thought, it struck me that I have a wonderful “just like sister” in my life.  My sister-in-law couldn’t be more of sister to me if we were biological sisters. She married my oldest brother when I was two years old. I have known – and loved - her almost as long as I have my brother. I was fortunate that they lived close to us and were within easy walking distance. She was there to witness most of my “firsts”, she told me about the tooth fairy,  shared her love of reading with me, provided a safe haven for me to escape to every once in a while, and she was the first person to tell me that women could do anything they set their mind to.

She did things my mother would never do such as making birthday cakes with coins baked into the cake – and we would get to keep whatever coin we found in our piece of cake! I loved going places with her – she was a cool big sister I loved to tag along with. When she and my brother started their family, I loved her babies. I grew up with her children and they remain an important part of my life.

She was there for my first communion, my high school graduation, my wedding, when my Dad died, and when my own babies were born. She was there when I needed help and support the most. If that is not a “just like sister”, I don’t know what is. Having wonderful sisters and “just like sisters” . . .  it's a good thing

Pet Perks

It is difficult to ignore the good work of organizations such as New Hope or  the SPCA. These compassionate and dedicated rescuers and caretakers of hurt and abused animals do so much to ensure they are well taken care of.  The dogs we have had over the years were “rescue dogs”.  We enjoyed and loved them and never regretted saving them.

            I’ve recently discovered that not only do pets bring joy, owing a pet is actually good for your health!

Researchers at several universities, including the University of London, the State University of New York and Henry Ford Hospital have found there are several perks to owning a pet. Besides the obvious reason of the benefits of the love between a pet and its owner, there are several health reasons which make owning a pet good for you and your children!

Researchers have found that children with dogs take 360 more steps a day and exercise more each day. They believe owning a dog could help in the battle against to childhood obesity. Other research indicates that cuddling with a furry friend helps children relax. Petting animals actually slows down the heart rate and makes you feel calmer. Adult pet owners had lower blood pressure when responding to stress than adults who do not own pets. Studies have also shown that taking care of their pets teaches kids empathy. Pets help children and adults cope with stress such as moving or dealing with a divorce. Therapy for traumatized Bosnian children included pet therapy. It works because pets provide companionship and unconditional love. As well, they encourage play and laughter. This helps adults dealing with depression.  Pets can make them laugh and play when nothing else works.

The biggest surprise to me was finding out that children living with a pet are 50 percent less likely to develop allergies! Studies done at Henry Ford Hospital and the Medical College of George indicates that this may be due to compounds called endotoxins found in the mouths of cats and dogs. Kids are exposed to them through petting and playing with their animals.

These are all benefits of owning a pet, but I think the best reason is to bask in the love of our furry friends.  If there are other health benefits to owning a pet, that is a bonus.

So, go ahead and rescue a pet.  You will be loved unconditionally and you may even improve your health because of it.  Having pets because they are good for your health . . . it's a good thing!

Mother's Day Letter

Dear Mom,

Mother’s Day this year was different from all the previous ones I shared with you, Mom.  We always had the big family celebration with a house full of your children, grand-children and in later years, great-grand children.  This year, I visited you alone at the Special Care Home. While I was there, you asked me who my mother is. For the first time since you and I set out on this journey into the unknown world of Alzheimer’s Disease, that question suddenly made everything real. There is no going back, no second chance to repair our relationship, no opportunity to ask questions I should have asked years ago. It has taken that away from you and I, just as it is slowly but surely taking you, our mother, away from me and my siblings. This disease is always the victor and we will never win the battle we are engaged in.

I am constantly amazed at the puzzle that has become your memory, and at the holes and gaps that are now a part of your life, at what you remember and what you don’t remember. Yet, in some ways, as you retreat deeper into your dementia, I am learning new things about you and who you were.

When I was growing up, I thought of Dad as the “head of the household”, the strong one. I never really saw you as his “equal partner”. I didn’t think he valued your opinion or even considered it, yet you were always very concerned about his. After we moved you into the care home, I found a stack of letters Dad had written to you when you and he were courting. I read with amazement how much he cherished you, respected your thoughts, and how he wrote to tell you how important you were to him. As I read the letters, I found that he actually saw you as an equal partner. I had never seen that and it made me start to see you in a new light.

As a child, I loved to look at the stack of pictures of you that Grandma had in her attic. In many of the pictures, you are arm-in-arm with different men. I never asked you who they were or what they meant to you. Were you in love with any other of them, with all of them? Where were the pictures taken? Why were there so many pictures? Now I can’t ask you. I tried, but that day you didn’t know who the people in the pictures were, including yourself. Should I ask again on a “better” day  - will there ever be “better” days? Or should I just let it go?

I always thought that someday you and I would understand why we had such a strained relationship. I always knew you loved me unconditionaly, but I also knew – even as a child – that you didn’t like me very much. We never talked about it, it was just there – that invisible wall between us. You were different with the other kids, so I never understood.   Realize now that we will never have the discussion about it or try to understand what it was between us that made our relationship so difficult. In a way, that will be our legacy, you and I, Mom: our uneasy relationship.

One last thing, Mom. I always thought you were weak because you always “gave in” . You allowed yourself to be hurt rather than have harsh words with anyone. When we hurt your feelings, you suffered in silence. You never stood up for yourself and you were always the one doing everything for everyone. I saw that as great weakness. It has taken me a lifetime to realize that was not your weakness but your strength. To internalize pain and keep peace, to be the angel of mercy with unending patience and even to be willing to appear weak are the characteristics of an incredibly strong person. I know that now. 

So, your eyes dull, your mind not comprehending much, you asked me who my mother is. You are,  Mom  - in ways I never thought possible.

Making the best of Mother’s Day, no matter what . . . it’s a good thing.

Having Fun Because It's Important

Dr. E. Christine Moll is a professor of counseling and human services at Canisius College in Buffalo, New York.  More importantly, she is a leisure expert and has released a study which proves it is “extremely” important to have fun!  Baby boomers especially are known for leading an “all-work and no-play” life style, and Dr. Moll says that everyone, including baby boomers, have to take some time off for leisure.  According to her, nothing is more important for our well-being, our health and our minds.  She says fun and leisure is just as important as keeping proper cholesterol levels and getting exercise.  When was the last time you did something just for fun?  Dr. Moll’s definition of leisure is anything that brings you personal joy and allows you to “refresh” your batteries.  She says “For our physical, mental, spiritual and cognitive health, leisure is a necessity, not a luxury. It airs out your brain and renews your spirit”.

            Moll’s study shows that people who take time to include leisure activities in their lives have fewer issues with stress and have a better outlook on life in every way: physically, emotionally, mentally and socially.  During down-time, we give our bodies and minds a break.  Physical reactions to relaxation include endorphins being released, and heart rate and blood pressure changing.  As Dr. Moll tells her students, “We can’t give what we don’t have.”  We can’t give to our loved ones, to our friends or to our colleagues unless we first take time for ourselves.  If you experience difficulty finding time for leisure, schedule it into your calendar.  That is how important it is!  How do you know if leisure is lacking in your life (besides the tell-tale signs of tense muscles and nagging headaches)?  Ask yourself these questions:

-        Is your daily routine boring?  Has everything become too routine?

-        Do you have to stop to think about what you like to do for fun?

-        Do you remember when you last took time for yourself? 

Having fun and relaxation can be anything from reading a book, going for a walk or enjoying time with your family.  It can involve sports, as long as the ultimate goal is not to win but playing for fun.  In choosing your activity, consider the following “leisure check list”: 

-        YOU choose your activity, no one else can decide what you should do for fun

-        Your choice must something you enjoy and can commit to

-        It must capture your interest

-        It enables you to “escape” from daily issues and enjoy yourself

So, go ahead and have fun, you will be healthier for it.  Having fun because it is extremely important. . . it's a good thing!

Take Me Out To The Ball Game

                                                                                                
Do you remember the movie “A League of Their Own” starring Rosie O’Donnell, Madonna and Gena Davis? The movie was based on the true story of an American women’s professional ball league organized because major league baseball was postponed during World War II. The league was started by Chicago Cubs owner P.K. Wrigley.  I did not know that one of those players was a young woman from Regina.  Her name was Mary Baker, although she was more widely known as Bonnie Baker.  She was internationally renowned as an outstanding catcher, batter and base runner. She was also known for her beauty, having been a model prior to playing ball, and the media at that time often referred to her as “Pretty Bonnie Baker”.   Being beautiful didn’t stop her from being a great ball player – in 1946 she stole 94 bases and batted .286.  Although all the characters in  “A League of Their Own” were fictional, it is believed that Gena Davis’ character was based on Baker’s life.

Baker played in the league for nine seasons, taking one year off to have her only child. In 1950 she was traded to the Kalamazoo Lassies and became the first-ever player/manager. She was the only player to ever hold that position. After the 1950 season, the league passed a rule outlawing female managers.  In 1954, Baker returned to Regina and led Regina’s softball team to provincial, Western Canadian and World Ladies Softball championships. Baker broke into another male dominated career when she became the first female sports broadcaster in Canada in 1964.

I really didn’t know much about Mary Baker until I accidently came across her name on a web site about Saskatchewan women.  Thankfully someone has decided it is important that we remember Saskatchewan women who were not afraid to live their dreams and who made a difference.   I googled her name and found a clip of Baker’s appearance on the television program “What’s My Line” from the early 1950’s.  It’s an interesting clip in that it is obvious that no one quite knew how to interact with such a successful woman.  The bridge between dependent woman and independent career woman had not yet been crossed by many in the 1950’s. 

Baker did receive a great deal of recognition over the years. She was inducted into the Saskatchewan Baseball Hall of Fame, the Canadian Baseball Hall of Fame and the American Baseball Hall of Fame.

Mary “Bonnie” Baker died in 2003. At her funeral, her career was celebrated and acknowledged by mourners who sang “Take Me Out to the Ball Game”.   Learning about and celebrating the lives of woman who paved the way for the rest of us . . .  it's a good thing!