Family Day

This week, we are enjoying a long week-end due to a provincial holiday – Family Day. It was created in 2007 to encourage families to spend the day enjoying activities together. While it is important to share this day with our children, I think it is also important to remember our extended family. Brothers and sisters are a huge part of who we are and too often we taken them for granted, and we forget to tell them what they mean to us.
Sometimes life goes along without incident and we tend to take our good fortune for granted. We are six siblings in my family and we have been fortunate in that we still have each other, and have not yet had to deal with the death of a brother or sister. I realize now that I have taken this for granted and trusted that we would all be together for a long time to come.
That changed last year while I was away on holidays. I received a text that my oldest brother had been hospitalized and was being scheduled for emergency quadruple by-pass surgery. It finally struck me, all those thousands of miles away, that there won’t always be the six of us. And while we keep in contact and visit back and forth, I have rarely told my siblings the important things I want them to know. Do they know how much they are loved? Do my older brothers and sister know how I looked up to them when I was growing up? I have never told any of my siblings what an impact they have had on my life or how much I enjoy being with them.
My husband also comes from a family of six siblings. We spent last week-end at his brother-in-law’s hospital bedside as he battles cancer. As relatives came in and out to visit, all of us knowing it could be our last conversation with him, I realized that we have neglected to make sure my husband’s extended family knows how important they are to us. As his sister introduced my husband to visitors as her “baby brother”, I was reminded of how each of his siblings helped him through-out his childhood. Each of them contributed a great deal into making him the man he turned out to be. Their love and concern for him was shown many times. I wonder if they know how appreciated their actions were and how cherished they are?
I’ve come to realize how important it is to tell loved ones how you feel. I am fortunate to have people in my life who I love. I am blessed that I still have the opportunity to tell them. I will no longer take that for granted.
This Family Day, enjoy time with your loved ones. Ensuring that loved ones know how you feel... it's a good thing!

Valentine's Day

Valentine’s Day is always bittersweet for me. While I enjoy the flowers, candy and the other expressions of love, February 14th was also my Dad’s birthday. He has been gone now for over twenty years, yet the void is ever present on his special day. Valentine’s Day is the “day of love”, but for me it is also the day when I think of Dad the most out of any other day of the year.
When I and my siblings were growing up, Valentine’s Day was always a special day at our house. Mom planned Dad’s favourite meal and we bought or made him the “perfect” gift. He was always in a good mood on that day. We couldn’t wait for him to open our presents and have him praise us for giving him such wonderful gifts. Praise wasn’t something Dad gave out very often, but we could always count on getting some on this day. I recall one year in particular when we just knew that we had found the absolutely perfect present for Dad. Dad raised Hereford cattle and we had found a ceramic figure of a Hereford. Just as we knew he would, he loved it. He placed on a shelf in the living room and it stayed there for years. When he and Mom moved into town, he found a spot for it in their new house. After he passed away, Mom gave me that ceramic Hereford. I still have it and I can’t help but smile every time I look at it.
As we grew up and began to leave home, we always seemed to find our way back around February 14th. That day was as important to us as adults, as it had been in our childhood. Mom still made a huge meal and we still all tried to find the perfect gift. No matter what challenges we faced as a family or individually, we all endeavored to make it home for “Dad’s birthday”.
As he grew older, his birthday became a reason for the family to gather. Children, grand-children, nieces and nephews – the party seemed to grow each year. Dad always enjoyed celebrations, especially his own birthday, and loved being the life of the party. As guitars came out and piano playing began, he was the first one up on his feet and dancing. This was when he was his happiest. His joy produced some wonderful memories to look back on each year on Valentine’s Day.
Enjoying Valentine's Day - no matter what the reasons . . . it's a good thing!

Get In Touch

Did you know there is now scientific proof that touching someone or giving someone a hug will actually cause changes in your body which will make you happier, more relaxed and less stressed? According to the Touch Research Institute in Florida, hugging and touching each other has more medical, psychological and emotional benefits than anyone ever dreamed of.
And, yes, there really is a Touch Research Institute. It is located at the University Of Miami School Of Medicine. It was established in 1992 and is the first center in the world to focus solely on the study of touch and its relevance in medicine and science. Teams of researchers from the best universities in the world have come to TRI to gather information and gain a better understanding of the therapeutic value of touch. Their findings have been amazing.
Dr. Tiffany Field has studied the power of touch for many years. As the director of RTI since its inception, she has witnessed how touch, in many different forms, can reduce pain and anxiety, ease depression and aggressive behavior, and lower heart rate and blood pressure. Dr. Fields states that touch can also promote immune function and healing.
Touching, hugging and even a simple hand shake literally make you happier. When you experience touch, your brain’s vagus nerve is signalled. When this happens, cortisol is decreased in the body and your stress level is lowered.
Studies are proving that touch can lead to changes in how people think and act. For example, students who were given a touch on the back or arm from a teacher were twice as likely to volunteer in class compared to those students who had no contact with their teacher. In another study, it was found that if a doctor gave his or her patient a sympathetic touch such a holding the patient’s hand even for a few seconds, the patient estimated that the visit had lasted twice as long as it actually had. When patients who had not received physical contact from their doctor were asked to estimate the length of their visit, they guessed a shorter time.
In yet another study on touch, women with breast cancer and HIV patients had an increase in natural killer cells after receiving a massage, strengthening their immune system. As well, their levels of anxiety and depression were decreased. Studies have shown that premature babies in NICU who were touched often gained weight at a faster rate than babies who were not touched as often. After receiving massages, adults completed math problems much quicker and more accurately than those who had not been given a massage.
Touch is beneficial to both the giver and the receiver. Dr. Field trained elderly volunteers to give massages to infants. After three weeks, the infants were calmer and the seniors had less anxiety and depression, had an improved mood, had more social contacts and fewer doctor visits!
Give someone a hug, or even a handshake – it just might improve the health of both of you! At the very least, it will make you both happier. Reaching out to touch someone . . . it's a good thing!

Cold But Happy In Saskatchewan

As I am writing this blog, it is snowing out and the temperature is steadily dropping. It appears that the winter we have been dreading has finally arrived. We all had no problem getting used to the mild winter we had been experiencing until now. However, now that it has returned with colder temperatures, we are all reminded why so many of us book trips to warmer climates for a week or two (or more) every year.
I am quite certain I would be perfectly happy living in a climate which has no snow and warm weather all year around. People comment that I would miss the snow and the change of seasons. I don't think I would. Others have also commented that I wouldn't enjoy Christmas without snow. I don't believe that to be true either. I recall one December several years ago in which we had no snow until December 31. I loved that "black" Christmas! There was no need for boots so there was no twenty-minute struggle with my children to get boots on over snow-pants - just a couple shoes to lace and away they went! It was wonderful. I admit the world is beautiful after a snowfall when all you see is pristine snow and shiny white yards. Some of the best times with our kids, their friends and cousins were spent sledding at Reimer’s Hill on crisp, sunny winter days or at night when there was a full moon. We would build a huge fire at the top of the hill, so no one was ever cold. Still, I think I could easily replace that with swimming outdoors in January and long walks on sandy beaches. Yes, I could certainly see myself living on a street lined with palm trees in a hot climate.
However, as I was out walking on the snowy Rotary Trail yesterday, it struck me there is something I would miss: I would miss the sound of snow crunching when you walk on it. I have always loved that sound and I have always been aware of how much I love it. I remember as a child listening to my boots crunching on fresh snow in the quiet of the morning as I walked up our lane to catch the school bus. Upon reflection, I guess I would miss the snow after all or at least some things about life with snow. No matter where you live, you can always find something to enjoy and a reason to love where you live. What do you enjoy most about winter? Even in stormy weather and minus thirty temperatures, there are plenty of good reasons to love living through our Saskatchewan winters. Every once in a while, we just have to remind ourselves of those reasons. Being cold - but - happy . . . it's a good thing!

Happy New Year 2012!

It is difficult to believe that 2011 is almost done! The year went by so fast – have we really lived through four seasons already? No doubt, 2011 will be known as the year of extreme weather and of breath-taking world events. From the devastation of the earthquake in New Zealand in February and barely three weeks later the disaster in Japan, to flooding, fires and heat waves through-out the world, it seemed that each day brought more bad news. However as each new tragedy occurred, kindness and compassion grew and people reached out to help each other.
In the aftermath of disasters, our television screens showed people doing everything they could to help. Whether it was people digging through rubble to rescue survivors, or people fighting fires or scientists risking their own safety to attempt to stabilize Fukushima’s nuclear plants, we witnessed bravery and a determination to survive. As each tragedy hit the world this year, people in unaffected areas sent money, supplies and materials and workers – everyone wanted to help. Thousands of people and dozens of countries sent their resources to help people in need. This was a year of thinking less about ourselves and our needs, and thinking of how we could help our neighbors – those close by and those thousands of miles away.
This year we witnessed the strength of the human spirit in the survivors of these calamities. As well, we saw determination and unselfish heroism in those who worked to rescue others. We also saw compassion and generosity in those who were far away, but still wanted to help. If anyone had any doubts of man’s survival instinct or the compassion humans have for each other, the events of 2011 surely erased those doubts. Out of the ashes of bad events rose human compassion and resourcefulness.
Hopefully, 2012 will have fewer natural disasters, and the lives of those affected by the disasters of 2011 will return to normal. I hope this year will be good to you and that when you look back on your year, it will be with mostly good memories.

Looking forward to a brand new year . . . it's a good thing!

Christmas

I love Christmas! I love the hustle and bustle, the shopping, gift wrapping and the excitement in the air no matter where you are. I enjoy gift wrapping, decorating the house, putting up the trees (yes, trees) and Christmas baking. However, my favorite part of Christmas is getting together with friends over the holiday season and spending Christmas Day with family. Celebrating with friends and family has always been something I truly enjoy and it is what makes this season so special to me.
Our family tradition was to gather at our parents’ home for Christmas Day. Over the last few years we still celebrate together, but my husband and I host the gathering. I love the large, noisy family who comes into our home each year. Our house rings with laughter and joking. We enjoy that comfortable and peaceful feeling that comes from being with family who know each other better than anyone else ever could – and still like each other! I always marvel at the inter-generational exchanges and how age doesn't matter at a family gathering. We all have something in common: each other.
It is always amazing to see young people deep in discussion with much older relatives, and older relatives taking interest in the lives and gossip of younger people. Young and old, we are all related and we learn from each other. I am often struck by how diverse we are. We are all so alike and yet so different from each other. We bask in unconditional love and know that each of us is an important part of our family. That is the magic of family, and it becomes even more magical at Christmas.
Over the years, our group as grown as we married and had children, and now those children are married with babies of their own. I believe the best gift we can give our children is the security of family. I hope my children have benefited from being a part of a close extended family and that they and their cousins will carry on the tradition of the big family gatherings.
To each and every one of you, best wishes for a very Merry Christmas. May your Christmas celebration be perfect and leave with wonderful memories to cherish through-out the year.
Enjoying a safe and happy holiday season. . . it's a good thing!

No Sunday This Week

My family continues on the journey we have embarked on with my mother. As her Alzheimer’s progresses, we learn new things about this unrelenting disease and its horrible effects on its victims and their families. This week we took another step in the battle we will never win – we moved Mom from the level one/two care home she has lived in since February to a level three/four care home. Her disease has progressed to the point where she now needs more specialized care. She now resides behind closed and locked doors for her own safety.

I am constantly amazed at the puzzle that has become Mom’s memory, and at the holes and gaps that are now a part of her life. Yet there are some things she always remembers. She still remembers her children, although she is not always sure who her grandchildren are anymore. She always talks about the “three nuns” who resided in the last apartment building she lived in while still independent. There never were three nuns living there, but she has inserted a memory into one of the newly created gaps in her mind, and she never forgets that piece of false information. Rarely a visit goes by that she doesn’t mention them. Perhaps she finds comfort and safety in this recollection, as she spent her childhood living in a convent, going home only for holidays and the summer. She always spoke lovingly of her days there and kept in contact with the sisters throughout all of her life. It may be that she is seeking the safety provided to her as a child, and somehow finds comfort in remembering the three sisters who lived in her building.

Through-out her life, one of Mom’s biggest pleasures was attending church. When she was independent, she went every Sunday, often walking to church from her home. After she moved, I would try to drive her to church most Sundays. She enjoyed the service itself and she loved visiting with other parishioners. She looked forward to these Sunday outings. As she lost her sense of time, she was often confused as to what day it was. “Is it Sunday today?” became the other item she always remembers each time I see her. When I tell her that it is not Sunday, she always remarks, “So, there is no church today”.

One day recently, as Mom and I drove to a coffee shop, she asked me if it was Sunday. I was just about to say no, when she remarked “No it isn’t - there’s no Sunday this week”. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry at this comment, but then it struck me that this could well be a metaphor for what her life has become. There are “no Sundays” in her life anymore, because now even if she attends church, she has forgotten by the next day. Visits with her family and friends fade from memory almost as soon as they walk out the door. Each day is as confusing as the one before. There is no longer anything special about Sunday, it has simply become another day, no different than a week day. There is, in fact, “no Sunday this week” for Mom.

So, for those of us who still have Sundays in our week, let’s savour every moment. Let us relish time with family and friends and enjoy each activity in our lives. Let’s live each day to its fullest. Hopefully, we will always have a Sunday in our week. Appreciating and enjoying our lives . . . it's a good thing!