No Sunday This Week

My family continues on the journey we have embarked on with my mother. As her Alzheimer’s progresses, we learn new things about this unrelenting disease and its horrible effects on its victims and their families. This week we took another step in the battle we will never win – we moved Mom from the level one/two care home she has lived in since February to a level three/four care home. Her disease has progressed to the point where she now needs more specialized care. She now resides behind closed and locked doors for her own safety.

I am constantly amazed at the puzzle that has become Mom’s memory, and at the holes and gaps that are now a part of her life. Yet there are some things she always remembers. She still remembers her children, although she is not always sure who her grandchildren are anymore. She always talks about the “three nuns” who resided in the last apartment building she lived in while still independent. There never were three nuns living there, but she has inserted a memory into one of the newly created gaps in her mind, and she never forgets that piece of false information. Rarely a visit goes by that she doesn’t mention them. Perhaps she finds comfort and safety in this recollection, as she spent her childhood living in a convent, going home only for holidays and the summer. She always spoke lovingly of her days there and kept in contact with the sisters throughout all of her life. It may be that she is seeking the safety provided to her as a child, and somehow finds comfort in remembering the three sisters who lived in her building.

Through-out her life, one of Mom’s biggest pleasures was attending church. When she was independent, she went every Sunday, often walking to church from her home. After she moved, I would try to drive her to church most Sundays. She enjoyed the service itself and she loved visiting with other parishioners. She looked forward to these Sunday outings. As she lost her sense of time, she was often confused as to what day it was. “Is it Sunday today?” became the other item she always remembers each time I see her. When I tell her that it is not Sunday, she always remarks, “So, there is no church today”.

One day recently, as Mom and I drove to a coffee shop, she asked me if it was Sunday. I was just about to say no, when she remarked “No it isn’t - there’s no Sunday this week”. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry at this comment, but then it struck me that this could well be a metaphor for what her life has become. There are “no Sundays” in her life anymore, because now even if she attends church, she has forgotten by the next day. Visits with her family and friends fade from memory almost as soon as they walk out the door. Each day is as confusing as the one before. There is no longer anything special about Sunday, it has simply become another day, no different than a week day. There is, in fact, “no Sunday this week” for Mom.

So, for those of us who still have Sundays in our week, let’s savour every moment. Let us relish time with family and friends and enjoy each activity in our lives. Let’s live each day to its fullest. Hopefully, we will always have a Sunday in our week. Appreciating and enjoying our lives . . . it's a good thing!

Pink Glove Generousity

October is breast cancer awareness month. Many activities take place to create public awareness and to raise funds for breast cancer research. Two years ago, Medline Industries sponsored a “Pink Glove Dance” video. The video was created a Providence St. Vincent Medical Centre in Portland, Oregon. It has been viewed millions of times on YouTube. The concept took on a life of its own and this year, Medline decided to sponsor a contest, awarding money to the winner’s choice of breast cancer charity. To enter the contest, hospitals and nursing homes were to create their own Pink Glove Dance video.
Our own Victoria Hospital decided to take on the challenge. Over 190 Physicians, staff members, volunteers and friends of Prince Albert Parkland Health District created a wonderful video which can be seen on YouTube. The result is an excellent four minute video. For those of us in Prince Albert, we are enjoying watching it and picking out people we know. For others in Saskatchewan who may not know the individuals, but are voting for the only video submitted from our province, they are witnessing the dedication and commitment of the people who work at our hospital.
All the videos submitted by hospitals and nursing homes across Canada and the United States showcase health employees dressed in pink. The Victoria Hospital video is no different, with pink gloves, hats, boas and clothing on display. What makes our video unique and truly Saskatchewan is that mixed in with the pink are a number of green Saskatchewan Rough Rider t-shirts. What a perfect touch to a great video!
In a perfect world, we would all help each other and take time out of our busy lives to volunteer for a good cause. However, we do not live in a perfect world and so when a whole group of people take time out of their lives to create something like this video in order to raise money for charity, it is a wonderful example of true generosity.
The cancer charity of choice for the Prince Albert Parkland Health District employees is the Saskatoon Cancer Agency. The winning video will be chosen by the number of on-line votes it receives. By the time you read this, voting will have closed. By next week, we will know who the winners are.
Whether the Victoria Hospital employees win or not, I hope the people who created and appeared in this video know they are all winners to us. Not only have they brought breast cancer awareness to the forefront in our region, they have shown the world what generous and dedicated health care workers live and work in Saskatchewan. To our video stars: well done and thank you! Giving your all to help out a good cause . . . it's a good thing!

Thanksgiving

I don't know if it is because there have been so many catastrophes and human suffering around the world this year, or if each passing year makes me more appreciative, but whatever reason, I feel very grateful this Thanksgiving.
One only has to speak to people from other countries who come to Canada to find the freedoms we take for granted, to realize how fortunate we are and how thankful we should be. Citizens in other countries risk their lives to fight for the very freedoms we enjoy in Canada.
Closer to home, I am thankful for a wonderful family. My own little family and my extended family spend most holidays together. As I think back over the years at the gatherings I have enjoyed with brothers and sisters, nieces and nephews, and in-laws I realize anew what a wonderful family I was born into and I married into. I am grateful that at those gatherings we enjoy good food and always have enough left over for everyone to take food home. I compare that to the stories I have heard of children who have to fight for scraps of food just to survive.
I have wonderful friends which I am thankful for - both friends my husband and I have as a couple, and my female friends. When I compare the lives we lead as strong, independent women with the women in countries where they have no rights at all, I realize how fortunate we are. How blessed I am to have been born in a country and at a time when the women before me fought for the rights I and my friends now enjoy. My husband and I and our friends are privileged to have leisure time to enjoy getting together. For others, finding shelter and food is a full-time occupation with nothing left over for leisure.
I am grateful that by working and saving, my husband and I have a home we enjoy in a city we love. People in other countries work hard just to survive and will never have the opportunity to purchase their own home.
Thanksgiving is really a time to reflect upon how fortunate we are and how blessed our lives are. Well, for most us - the customary turkey is likely not so grateful to see Thanksgiving Day arrive. For the rest of us, however, enjoying a day with family and friends and being truly thankful for our good fortune is a wonderful way to celebrate this special day. Take time this year to count your blessings and to spend time with those you love. Being thankful for our good fortune . . .it's a good thing!

Autumn Memories

Autumn was my Dad's favourite time of year. While fall has never been my favourite season – only because winter is close behind - it does have its own beauty which I appreciate. Driving down tree-lined streets shimmering in gold and red is breath taking. The first warning of winter appears with shorter days and cooler nights. Bringing in produce from the garden, emptying flower pots and raking leaves are melancholy reminders to enjoy those last few days of beautiful weather before winter winds start to blow.
Fall seems to bring parents and children together, in an attempt to enjoy the dying days of summer. Tonight I saw a mom staking leaves in a pile so that her little boy could jump into it, much to his delight. My niece posted pictures on facebook of her three-year-old twins playing in the leaves in their back yard. In the store, I saw children and their parents looking over Halloween costumes, in search of the perfect one. Thanksgiving meals are being planned for families to enjoy together.
Autumn for me brings a vision of my dad raking leaves, stopping to lean on his rake to tell me how this is his favourite season. That picture of him is ingrained in mind forever. He loved fall. He enjoyed the change in weather from the hot days of summer to the crisp, clean air of autumn. I think fall was the only season he could take the time to really enjoy. As a farmer, spring was busy with seeding, summer with all demanding work of farming, and fall was the tension-filled days of harvesting. Once the harvest was completed, he had time to enjoy nature and to appreciate fall days.
My dad died in fall. The anniversary of his death was this week. The day of his funeral, my older sister and I commented to each other how fitting it was his life ended in the season he loved. As we buried him, red and gold leaves flew, and the air was crisp and clean. Harvest was done. Dad’s work was completed.
Over the years since he passed away, autumn is the time of year I feel closest to Dad and when my memories of him are the strongest. He is there with me when I rake, clean flower beds and bring in the garden. Without fail, every year when red and golden leaves blow across the yard and when the air turns cool, in my mind’s eye I see Dad, leaning on his shovel and telling me that fall is his favourite time of year. Remembering a special reason for each season . . . it's a good thing.

Family

This week-end, I went to my nephew’s wedding. It was a beautiful day. The sun shone brightly, the skies were clear and blue and the wedding was perfect. Family came from near and far to share in this special day. Every occasion my family gets together like this provides the opportunity to reconnect with nieces and nephews, cousins and in-laws. I enjoy the inter-action between the generations. Young and old, we are related and we learn from each other. We are safe in the unconditional love that we have for each other. Sometimes it amazes me how we are all so alike and yet so different from each other. We are family – and we are secure in the knowledge that we have each other’s backs no matter what life throws at us.
As I watched my nephew and his bride exchange vows, the years peeled away. I remembered being in a different town, watching my brother and his bride exchange vows. For a moment, it was surreal that I was now witnessing their youngest child being married. Later on at the dance, I watched our littlest relatives running and playing on the dance floor. The adults took turns holding and enjoying new babies. It doesn’t seem that long ago it was I and my siblings playing with cousins at family weddings, and watching my parents admire new additions. Before we knew it, our own children took over that role. I remember my five-year-old son in his role as ring-bearer, wearing a little white tux, running and playing with his cousins. They are now all adults.
Where have the years gone? Does this make me old? I have realized at other family events that I am witnessing generational passages. Our children are graduating from high school and university, getting married and having babies. They were children only yesterday, when did they grow up and begin having children of their own?
Our family is growing. New boyfriends and girlfriends, husbands and wives are becoming a part of our circle and new babies are beginning to appear. The next generation is on the move. I am quickly becoming one of “the old aunts” – a title once relegated to my father’s sisters. While I love the young people in our family, I wish time would slow down just a little. Allow me to get used to having grown children and to seeing my siblings with grown children. Now we are suddenly grand-parents, great-aunts and great-uncles.
It is amazing how quickly time is passing and how each new generation in stepping into the role of the previous one. It is, as they say in the Lion King, “the circle of life”. Each stage of life is precious and brings its challenges and rewards. Savour every moment.

Staying Alive By Being Generous

I recently came across a book called “Why Good Things Happen To Good People” by Jill Neimark and Dr. Stephen Post. Neimark is a science journalist, novelist and poet. Post is a bioethicist. They wrote the book together because they believe that giving is a good for you! Post and Neimark claim that giving protects your physical and mental well-being. Their theory is that while you can’t change the things that happen to you or the unkindness of others, you can create your own happiness and take care of your health through acts of generosity. What a concept!

The authors claim that you can have a longer, happier and healthier life simply by becoming more generous. Scientific research is showing that when we give of ourselves, everything in our lives change for the better. Life satisfaction and physical health is significantly affected. You are less likely to suffer from depression. It appears that mortality is delayed. There is an increase in well-being and good fortune. This is especially true if generosity is practiced at a young age.

How interesting that there is now a science of love and giving. In their book, Neimark and Post offer real-life stories to show how giving leads to health, happiness and a longer life. The incredible research includes a fifty-year study which shows that people who were generous and giving during their high school years have better physical and mental health throughout their entire lives. Other studies have shown that people who give live longer than those who don’t. There is an undeniable connection between generosity and good health. The research provides us all with the inspiration to change our lives, even in a small way.

Together, the authors interviewed dozens of people who had suffered unimaginable fates including paraplegics, Holocaust survivors, and people who had had horrific childhoods. Those survivors who found a way to help others overcame their hardships, and lived happier, more fulfilling lives than survivors who were not as generous. After interviewing people who had rebuilt their own lives by giving to others, Neimark and Post are more convinced than ever that we can make our own happiness and the best way to do so is by being generous to others. Being happy by giving to others, even if life has dealt you a difficult blow, is now a researched, scientific fact. You receive so much in return by being kind and generous to those who need it. Generosity as a cure-all. . . it's a good thing!

A Lesson Learned

A year ago this week, my step-dad passed away. We were heart-broken at the loss of this wonderful man, yet at the same time, we knew we were so fortunate to have known him and to have had him in our lives. Ovide was a wonderful man with a huge heart, a mischievous smile and a great sense of humour. He was quiet, unpretentious and always a gentleman. There was a kindness in him that came from his heart and soul. He was a truly thoughtful man who was always willing to help out and always had time to sit and visit.
He was widower when he married our Mom, herself a widow. He had nine grown children; Mom had three, plus three step-children. Our families became a mishmash of siblings, half-sibling and step-siblings. Somehow, it all worked. Dad’s nieces and nephews called Ovide “Uncle” and he gladly stepped into the role of their uncle. It became very complicated when we tried to explain to people how all the relationships in our families worked – who was related by blood, who was related by marriage and who was not even related at all. Sometimes, we could hardly keep track ourselves!
As well as being a wonderful husband to Mom, Ovide became a much-loved grandparent to our children, most of whom were too young to remember their biological grand-father. Over the years, they all grew to love him very much and he became an important part of our lives. He attended many graduations, weddings and all the important events of the young people in his life. Somehow, he managed to be keep his enthusiasm and joyfulness as he shared in the experiences of his own grandchildren, his step-grandchildren and the huge extended family he inherited when he married Mom.
That day, a year ago, as we sat and waited with him as he began the process of dying, our two families together in grief and love, it struck me that this dear, quiet, unassuming man had taught all of us - his children, step-children, grand-children and step-grandchildren - how to love and how to be a family and how, in the end, nothing matters but the love of family and friends. He showed us that being a family is more than simply sharing DNA and that you can be a family just because you want to be one. He taught us by example how to have a huge heart. Because of him, we know that it doesn’t matter how old you are or at what stage you are at in your life, opportunities arise and doors open, if you simply learn to love. As I reflect now a year later, I realize the most important lesson Ovide taught us all was the one which made him so happy: enjoy every minute you can with family and friends, (no matter the make-up of your family) and always be ready to welcome new people into your life.
I am grateful that we had the good fortune of having Ovide in our lives. Being given a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to know a very special man . . . it's a good thing!