Father's Day

As I watched my boys with their Dad on Sunday, Father’s Day, I realized once again how important fathers are to their children.  No matter what our age is and whether or not they are still with us, a father’s influence remains throughout our lives.  Even if, like mine, your Dad has been gone a long time, they are never far from our thoughts.  There are often occasions when something happens which I know Dad would have enjoyed hearing about and I think of him in that moment.   I often miss that father’s steady hand, strong love and advice – yes, even unsolicited advice.

            I note that many of my Facebook friends have uploaded pictures of their dad in honour of Father’s Day.  Many daughters have written something about their dad in their status.  There is a special bond between dads and daughters.  You may have your own children and a husband, yet Father’s Day is a little lonely without your own Dad to share it with.  I think part of the reason for that special bond is because to a father, their daughter is always “their little girl”.  No one else loves you in that way.  Sometimes, even if you are all grown up and have your own family, it is nice to just be a little girl and enjoy the love that comes with it.   I think the most poignant symbol of that special love is when a father dances with his daughter as her wedding.  She is a woman, but she is still his little girl.  

            I don’t think I realized how important each Father’s Day was when Dad and I shared his special day.  At the time, I just assumed he would always be here on Father’s Day and I never really thought about that day without a dad.   From making gifts as a child to purchasing gifts as an adult, the years flew by.  Life, it seems, often gets in the way.  It’s good there are birthdays and Father’s Day which cause you to take time to sit back and appreciate the people in your life.  It is important that we acknowledge those people and spend time with them.  Those special celebrations with special people create the memories that comfort you when things change.

            If you still have your Dad, I hope you enjoyed a wonderful Father’s Day with him.  If he is no longer here, I hope your memories of him warmed the day and brought a smile to your face.  Enjoying Father's Day with your dad . . . it's a good thing!

Father's Day Refections

They were cracked and dirty, out-of-shape, and usually had one or two holes. My dad’s work gloves were as much a part of him as were his hands and his laughter. Under the dirt and grease, soot and blood, you could just make out their original yellow colour. They were everywhere: in his truck, in his garage, on the bale stack and in his coat pocket – everywhere he worked. The stains told the story of his labour: dirt from the field, grease from his tractor, soot from the branding fires and blood from dehorning cattle. The rips and tears were created when mending fence. Life for the farmer was one chore after another, and Dad’s gloves were his constant companion. All the years I was growing up, I don’t remember ever seeing a new pair, although surely there must have been.

Some time ago, I saw a picture someone had taken of her dad’s old, worn-out work gloves sitting on a wood pile. She had enlarged and framed this picture. The photographer said this was her best memory of her Dad and that she had taken this picture of his gloves shortly after he had died. I don’t know what happened to Dad’s work gloves. I wish I had thought of taking a picture like that. It’s funny which memories stay with you and how they become identified with that person.

The other day it occurred to me that my son has gloves everywhere as well. He has a pair in his bedroom, in his vehicle and in the garage. I find pairs of gloves by the back door, and out on the deck. His gloves tell of a different kind of labour, but, like his grandfather, he wears them whenever he works. Like his grandfather’s gloves, the stains tell the story of his chores – motorcycle oil, grass stains, and paint and saw dust from his many projects. Although only two when his grandfather died, he has developed the same habit of always having several pairs of work gloves at his disposal. And perhaps, some day - far into the future - when he marries and has children, his daughter will savour that special memory of her dad and his work gloves. Maybe she’ll think to save a pair of gloves and take a picture of them.

If your Dad is still with you to share Father’s Day, enjoy the day and savour every moment. If he, like my Dad, is no longer with us, remember what it was that made your Dad special. Take time to reflect on what it is you remember most about him, even if it is something as simple as cracked and dirty work gloves.  Celebrating your dad . . . it's a good thing!

Bittersweet Day

Last week, I attended my niece’s graduation.  There were twenty-seven graduates and so, as is typical in a small town, the ceremony was a true celebration of each graduate’s accomplishments and each student has his or her moment in the spot light.

The event took place in the same gym where my own high school graduation was held       (more years ago than I care to think about).  As I sat watching the program, I couldn’t help but peel back the years to when it was I on that stage,  and to reflect on who I was then and who I have become.   I remember how excited and nervous we were, my classmates and I.  I also remember that unique mixture of happiness and sadness:  happiness at finishing one chapter of our lives and anxiously walking into our future, and yet sadness at leaving the people we had grown up with and with whom we had spend twelve years in a classroom.  We were a little terrified at setting out on our journey without our paretns beside us.  For all of us, the page was a clean slate and we were convinced that our lives would be exciting, successful and that we would change the world.  I don’t think we actually did change the world, at least not to the extent we envisioned, but I believe that each of us changed our little part of it and that perhaps it is a little bit better because of us.

Looking at this year’s graduates, faces flush with excitement and eyes sparkling, the girls in beautiful gowns and the guys in their suits,  I have no dobut they were feeling the same emotions my classmates felt so many years ago.  As each graduate was introduced and their career plans revealed, I know they felt that same happiness and sadness all wrapped up in one tight sensation.   

This is also always a bittersweet day for parents.  Nothing will be the same again.  Their children are grown up and ready to take on the world.  The relationship between parent and child begins a slow shift at this point which will continue to change and mature over the next years.  It is difficult to let go of the child they’ve protected since birth and to  release them into the world where they are no longer under their control and watchful eye. They feel pride in the young adult their child has become, yet yearn for the small child who counted on them for everything.  This is probably one of the most difficult days as parents. 

There is so much emotion on graduation day.  The graduates themselves and their families are all a little apprehensive about the future, even as they boldly make their plans and chart their course.  The students know their lives are changing and they are leaving everything that is familiar to them and going into unknown territory.  Younger siblings also feel a loss as someone who has been with them their entire lives is now leaving home.  The years of bickering are quickly forgotten as their own world is changing as well. 

I hope nothing takes away the pride and confidence of my niece and all the graduates this year.  I hope all their dreams come through.  My wish for them is that when they look back on their graduation night ten, twenty, thirty or even forty years from now, they will be content in the knowledge that they had a good life and the best of their dreams became reality.

Dreaming of your future and reflecting on your past .. .  it's a good thing!