Red Door Perfume

Recently, in a local grocery store, a lady walked passed me and I caught a whiff of the fragrance she was wearing.  It was Elizabeth Arden’s Red Door perfume.  I know that scent so well, as my Mom wore it for the last few years of her life.  Immediately, a flood of memories came back to me, all of them linked to that distinct fragrance.

When Mom first discovered Red Door perfume, she loved its smell and wore it all the time. She realized how strong the scent was and so she always carefully put only a few small dabs on herself.  She always had a gentle smell of Red Door floating around her.  As the years went by, I (and no doubt, many other people) noticed that she was layering the perfume on a little thicker and I tried to explain to her that she had to be careful so that the smell was not too strong.  She always countered by saying that they just were not making Red Door like they used to, and she had to use more of it in order for the scent to be noticeable. 

As a result, she began to go through many bottles of the fragrance.  Whereas a bottle had in the past lasted for a year or more, it was now only lasting a few months.  It seemed to me that “Red Door perfume” was always on Mom’s shopping list.  

I came to identify the scent of Red Door with everything that was my Mom.  When she gave me a hug, I could smell it on myself for a long time after.  Many times when going to her apartment, as I stepped off the elevator, I would catch that scent and I would know that Mom had been in the hallway in the not so-distant past.  Her bedroom always had a trace of Elizabeth Arden’s Red Door perfume in the air.

It was only when I actually stayed by her side when she was purchasing the perfume that I realized what was going on and why Mom’s favorite perfume had a weaker smell to her: Mom was losing her sense of smell.  That realization dawned on me as I watched a very patient clerk at one of our local pharmacies go through sample after sample of Red Door Perfume: eau de toilette, spray, non-spray, perfume, lotion.  Each time Mom would shake her head and say that it just didn’t have a scent.  She lamented to the young clerk that she used to love the scent of that perfume and she wondered why they had changed it, why it was now such a weak scent.  Finally Mom decided that the perfume bottle which she usually bought would be the one she would purchase because “at least, that one still has a bit of a scent”.   So, we would return to her apartment, her prize in her hand – the red bottle with the gold coloured lid.

I explained to Mom that day that the reason her favorite perfume had lost its fragrance was not because of anything Elizabeth Arden had done, but rather because Mom’s sense of smell was not quite as keen as it used to be. She just rolled her eyes when she thought I wasn’t looking and said that she was not, in fact, losing her sense of smell and that all she had to do was put a thick layer of perfume on and she would smell it,  and that was because they had changed the way they made her perfume. 

When Alzheimer’s disease took away Mom’s independence, she finished her last bottle of perfume in her new home.  By then, her disease had progressed to the point where she no longer remembered to buy a new bottle and soon after that she forgot all about her signature perfume. 

I know that most public places ask that perfume not be worn, but I’m glad that lady wore Red Door perfume to the grocery store that day.  It brought Mom back to me, even if for just a few seconds.  A special scent which brings back special memories . . . it’s a good thing!

The Ten Things Happy Couples Do

I recently wrote about things that happy people do often.  The other day I read an announcement, inviting people to celebrate the 65^th wedding anniversary of a local couple.  That got me thinking about why some marriages success (such as that couple’s marriage of 65 years) and why other marriages fail.  What is it that successful couples do to stay together for many years?  When searching for an answer, I came across a blog post by Dr. Dana Fillmore called “10 Things Happy Couples Do”.  As I read through her list of common-sense, easy to do suggestions, I realized I wanted to share this advice, so here it is:  the ten things happy couples do.

1). Let Love Build

Don’t expect your relationship to retain the fiery intensity of a new romance.  Happy couples know and understand that love evolves and becomes calmer and deeper.  Dr. Fillmore explains that allowing love to change gives it the opportunity to grow.

2). Play Nice

Happy couples are kind to each other – no matter what.  They compliment each other and offer kind words of support and encouragement.  No doubt, they will still have arguments and there is always the chance that hurtful things will be said.  But, if you are kind to each the majority of the time, you will create a feeling of trust, safety and love.

 

3). Chat to each other before falling asleep – every night

Dr. Fillmore has found that taking a few minutes every night to just chat to each other in a quiet, uninterrupted setting before going to sleep, is something that most happy couples do.  Spend a few minutes each night talking about your day, making plans and discussing problems.

 4). Double Date

This one took me by surprise, but Dr. Fillmore states that while dinners for two are “cozy”,  dinners for four are just as important to your relationship.  Research apparently shows that bonding with other couples actually strengthens your own relationship.  Being close to other couples will make you feel closer to each other!

5).  Face your Differences

How you handle your differences can make a huge difference in how happy you are in your marriage.  Happy couples talk about their differences and find solutions together.  This is not always easy, but it is the best way to have a happy marriage.

 6). Have Deep Conversations – Not Always Small Talk

Not every conversation has to be heavy, but Dr. Fillmore states that the happiest couples have twice as many substantive discussions and fewer superficial ones as the unhappiest couples.  She says that in order to be a happy couple, you need to share your dreams, your fears and talk about the future and about your relationship with each other.

7) Be Equally Committed

In a 2011 study in Psychological Science, their research found that what matters in a relationship is that you devote the same amount of care and effort into it – whether it is a lot or a little.  Your happiness depends on both of you having the same level of commitment to working out problems and not necessarily on how intense that level of commitment is.

 8) Fight Fair

Even the happiest couples have arguments, but they keep conflicts from becoming confrontations by “softening” their approach when dealing with tough issues.  More importantly, each occasionally yields to the other.

 9) Be Positive

Happy couples make five times or more as many positive statements to and about each other than unhappy couples. It may be difficult to think of positive things about each other when you are arguing, but it helps create a bond.

 10) Hang in There

Dr. Fillmore says that 80% of couples who consider themselves to be committed to their marriage have contemplated divorce at some point, but chose to work things out.  Going through a bad spell in your marriage can actually make your relationship stronger and strengthen your love for each other.

Whether you have been married for many years or a few, if you consider yourself to be one of the “happy couples”, how many of these ten points do you practice?  Learning to be a happy couple . . . it’s a good thing!

Mother's Day

I hope that you enjoy Mother’s Day today, whether you are a mother or a child – or both. This is my first Mother’s Day since my Mom passed away. And although the last couple Mother’s Days have been different from previous year as Mom’s Alzheimer’s worsened, at least she was still here physically. I no longer took her out for dinner or had a family BBQ at my house in her honour as we did before she became ill, but I could still visit with her and I still felt that part of her was still here. So this year things were certainly not the same. It is always wonderful to spend time with my sons on this special day but my thoughts floated back to years gone by when Mom was here to celebrate with us. 

It is important to celebrate the love we feel and the bond we have. Every daughter has that special connection with her mother, but for some people, it goes beyond the mother-daughter bond. Sometimes, mothers and daughters are each other's best friends. When you think about it, who could be a more perfect friend than your mother?  She has to love you, no matter what because she is, after all, your mother.  If you enjoy each other’s company, then that’s a bonus.

I enjoy going to events or shopping, and seeing mothers and daughters out having fun together. I think it is wonderful when I hear someone say they call their Mom several times a day, because they have so much to say to each other. Those fortunate women who develop a friendship with their mothers have the best of all worlds - they have a mother with her unconditional love and support, and a friend who is fun to be with and shares the same interests, all in one person. Some relationships remain strictly mother-daughter and that is fine. However, the truly lucky daughters are the one who have the good fortune of being best friends with their mom.

Many sons are also best friends with their mothers.  They feel secure in sharing thoughts and feelings and asking questions, knowing without a doubt that all will be kept confidential.  That’s just what mothers do.  And sometimes Moms can even help to explain to their sons that complicated female who seems to be such a mystery to so many men. 

 
No one knows us as well as our mothers.  They know our fears, our hopes, our strengths and weaknesses.  They have watched us develop into the adults we are today.  In fact, they have greatly influenced who we have developed into. 

 It seems that life gets so busy for parents and children, we sometimes forget to just enjoy each other’s company.  That’s why I think it is so important to slow down and enjoy Mother’s Day.

This is a day for putting everything else on hold and for cherishing that special bond between mothers and children.  I hope you have the opportunity to do so today.  Cherishing the special moments while we can . . . it’s a good thing. 

Seven Thngs Happy People Do Often

 

Happiness: everyone is in pursuit of it, yet it is the one thing that eludes so many. There is good news and bad news on the search for happiness. According to an article written by Jeff Haden, fifty percent of your level of happiness, or your ”happiness set-point” as he calls it, is largely hereditary and is therefore out of your control. However, the good news is that fifty percent is within your control and there are things you can to make yourself happier. In fact, Haden lists seven things in particular you can do to improve your level of happiness.

1.     Make good friends.

 A lot of people concentrate on making friends at work and that makes sense. These are people you see every day, you have your workplace and careers in common and you can help one another accomplish your goals. However, you also need to make real friends, away from your work place. In fact, studies have shown that the more friends you have, the happier you are.

2.     Actively express thankfulness

Study after study has shown that being grateful and expressing gratitude contribute to happiness. This expression of gratitude can be done anywhere and everywhere: at your place of employment, in your relationships at home, and with your friends. Another way to express thankfulness, and reap the happiness benefits of doing so, is to simply write down a few things you are grateful for each evening. Being aware of the things you are grateful for increases your level of happiness.

 3.     Actively pursue your goals.

In his book “100 Simple Secrets of the Best Half of Life”, David Niven says that people who could identify a goal they were pursuing were more likely to feel satisfied with their lives and more likely to feel positive about themselves. So, be grateful for what you already have, but try to achieve more. As you edge closer to your goal, compare where you are now with where you were a few days ago, and be grateful for the advancement.

 

4.     Do what you excel at and do it often

It only makes sense that the more you enjoy what you are doing, the happier you will be. Shawn Anchor, in his book “The Happiness Advantage”, says that when volunteers did something they were very good at and did it every day for a week, they became happier. Of course, we can’t all do the things we love to do all the time and ignore the rest.  We can, however, change things so we do less of what we don’t like and more of what we do like. Find ways to do things you love more often and you will be happier.

5.     Give

I know I’ve written about this before, but giving is one of the best ways to find happiness and contentment for yourself. Giving is more beneficial for the person who is giving than for the person who is receiving. This act is something you control and because of that, it is one way in which you can control – and increase - your level of happiness.

 

6.     Don’t chase possessions, chase experiences

 

Possessions are only “things” and only provide bursts of happiness which do not last for long. You will be much happier chasing experiences instead such new locations to visit, new concerts to listen to, or meeting new people. Those experiences will bring you joy every time you think about them and will never become “old” such as a house or a car or even clothes will.

 

7.     Live the life you want to live

 

People who work in palliative care often say that the most common regret expressed by patients is that they did not have the courage to live the life they wanted. Instead, they lived the life people expected of them. So, as much as possible, live the life you want and live it your way. Making choices that are right for you will make you happier.

 

Doing these seven things won’t make all your problems go away nor will they create only sunny skies in your world.  They will however increase your level of happiness.  So give them a try and see what happens. Doing what you can to be the happiest you can be . . . it's a good thing!

The Best Gift You Can Give Yourself

“No one has ever become poor by giving.” This quote from Anne Frank reminds us that giving to others is really a gift to ourselves. It’s important to remember this, not only at the giving times of year such as Christmas or birthdays, but throughout the year. It’s also important to give to people you may not even know, not only to family and friends. Giving to people, especially to people you don’t know, makes one feel good. Saskatoon’s own Betty-Ann Heggie, a member of Canada’s Top 100 Most Powerful Women Hall of Fame, says that giving gifts to worthy causes and people, “make me feel good because I am doing good”.

Now there is scientific proof that generosity will not only make you happier, but is actually good for your health.  According to a study conducted by social psychologist Liz Dunn, not being generous and being ashamed of it, is linked with higher levels of the stress hormone cortisol.  Through her studies she found that when people chose to keep their money rather than share it, they felt shame which led to high cortisol levels, which in turn has been linked to illness.

Even better, researchers at the University of Buffalo found that giving and being unselfish seemed to lead to a lower risk of early death.  One of the researchers, Michael Poulin, PhD said “Our conclusion is that helping others reduced mortality specifically by buffering the association between stress and mortality”. 

In their book “Why Good Things Happen To Good People”, Jill Neimark and Dr. Stephen Post, claim that giving protects your physical and mental well-being. They wrote this book because they believe that giving is a good for you! Post and Neimark claim that giving protects your physical and mental well-being. Their theory is that while you can’t change the things that happen to you or the unkindness of others, you can create your own happiness and take care of your health through acts of generosity. What a concept!

How interesting there is now a science of love and giving. In their book, Neimark and Post offer real-life stories to show how giving leads to health, happiness and a longer life. The incredible research includes a fifty-year study which shows that people who were generous and giving during their high school years have better physical and mental health throughout their entire lives. As with the University of Buffalo’s findings, the Neimark and Post studies show that people who give live longer than those who don’t. Neimark and Post interviewed dozens of people who had suffered unimaginable fates including paraplegics, Holocaust survivors, and people who had had horrific childhoods. Those survivors who found a way to help others overcame their hardships, and lived happier, more fulfilling lives than survivors who were not as generous.

We can make our own happiness and the best way to do so is by being generous to others.  It is now a researched fact that giving to others, even if life has dealt you a difficult blow, will make you happier and healthier.  Generosity is truly the best gift you can give to yourself. Being kind to others and being kind to yourself . . . it's a good thing!

 

A Little Mystery

 

When I was growing up on our family farm, one of our neighbors, Ronny, was a bachelor who lived by himself in the house that had once belonged to his parents.  By the time I was about half-way through elementary school, he met and married a widow with two children, and went on to have two more children of his own.

Ronny was the kind of neighbor you could always depend on to help out, no matter what.  It seemed to me that he was always happy and in a good mood.  There was always a lot of laughter when he was around.  He went out of his way to get along with people and tried to avoid confrontation.  In high school, I spent part of a summer babysitting his step-children and discovered that along with being a good neighbor and friend, Ronny was a good step-dad.  Later on when he had his own children, he took on that role with the same love and gusto that he put into everything he did. 

Years later, when I had children of my own, Ronny was their bus driver and I entrusted my little treasures into his care every morning and every afternoon.  He was always joking with the kids and he greeted his students with good-natured teasing most mornings when they stepped into his bus.  He was always vigilant about bullies and allowed no bullying.  He took the care of his riders very seriously and students knew they were safe riding with him.

Ronny passed away suddenly two weeks ago at the age of seventy-eight.  It seems that over the past couple months, I have written too many columns about good people who have died.  It is true that I have likely been to more funerals this year already than I attended in the entire last year.  However, Ronny’s story is special not only because of his great attitude towards life, but because of a “twist” which was revealed at his funeral.

Ronny started his last day like any other normal day on the farm.  He and his wife went to a business in a neighboring town and as they were walking into the building, he fell and later than night, he passed away.  At 2:45 a.m., to be precise.

Ronny had a pocket watch which had been in his family for a long time.  It had not worked in years, but he apparently loved that watch and kept it in his dresser drawer, neatly polished and always ready to be admired.  When the family was gathering items to take to the funeral home, his daughter-in-law found Ronny’s much-loved pocket watch and took it out of the drawer.  When she opened the watch, she saw in disbelief the time in which the watch had stopped, the time where it had sat in waiting all these many years.  The watch was stopped at 2:45.  The family had it prominently displayed at the funeral.

Sometimes things happen for which there is no explanation.  I think this is one of those occasions.  A man, who loved to laugh and tease, who always put his family first, and who was a great friend and neighbor, has left behind a little mystery for us to ponder and remember him by.  Pondering life's little mysteries . . .  it's a good thing!

Random Acts of Kindness

I love the concept of “random acts of kindness” – doing something for someone you may or may not know and doing so for no other reason than to share an act of kindness.  Random acts of kindness or “raks” as they are known, have become popular over the past few years. Even a small gesture of kindness counts as a rak.  This is a win-win situation, as both the person receiving and the person doing the random act of kindness experience enjoyment and satisfaction.

Here in Prince Albert, I know of a group of high school girls who make it their mission to perform at least one random act of kindness each and every day.  What makes this so unique is that these girls come from less than ideal homes, in fact some of the girls are foster children.  These young women have seen much sorrow and suffered  painful childhoods, yet they do not dwell on their past experiences and instead focus on doing good things for other people.  The girls say that their daily ritual of raks has helped them to heal and to work on recovery and that they feel happier and more content with their lives for doing so. 

I have a friend who decided to perform “racks” or random acts of Christmas kindness this year.  She surprised people who had touched her life or people she thought might need an act of kindness to help them through the Christmas season.  She found that she enjoyed doing her racks as much as her recipients enjoyed receiving them.

I was a rack recipient this Christmas.  I received a card with a very touching message and a Tim Horton’s gift card from an anonymous rack-er.  I suspect it is my friend, mentioned above, but she would neither confirm nor deny when I questioned her.  Regardless of who it was, it was a wonderful gesture and made my day in the middle of Christmas madness. 

Last week, my niece Jeridee told me her own story of a rak in her life.  Her story is a wonderful one and I think it is one of the most touching rak stories I have heard to date.  Her two year old daughter loves to watch the local school bus drive by their acreage and to wave at it as it goes by. Every day Jeridee tries to make sure Maelle is by the living room window around bus time so she can wave at the bus.  At some point, the driver took notice of this practice and began to wave back. Last week, the driver took it one step further. She now slows down a little when she gets to Maelle’s window and everyone on the bus waves to her.  How nice is that!  Such a small gesture, yet it makes one little girl (and her mother and great-aunt) very happy.  No doubt, it also puts the bus driver and the students on the bus in a happy mood.  What an awesome bus driver and what a great lesson she is teaching the students on her bus. This just makes me smile. :)How wonderful for Maelle. 

Random acts of kindness can be the simplest actions, yet they have a huge impact.  So, go ahead and make someone’s day (and your own) by rak-ing them.  You will be amazed at how good you feel about yourself and about those around you. Making the world a happier place, one random act of kindess at a time . . .  it's a good thing!

Little Miss Sunshine

It seems that over the past few years, I have attended too many funerals of people who have passed away far too young.  This week-end, we said our farewell to yet another person who had so much life left to live and so much joy to spread.  Debbie was not someone I saw very often, but when we ran into each other, she was always smiling and was always excited about something or other that was happening in her life.  Whether it was stopping in at my office to pick up yet another one of our fund-raising cook-books, or shopping for plants at a greenhouse, it seemed everything was a reason for Debbie to be happy and excited about.  There was something about Debbie that made you smile just thinking about her.  I became friends with her sister-in-law, Stacey, and because of that friendship, I had the opportunity to see Debbie a little more often.

Stacey and Debbie’s cousin, Mary, gave her eulogy and they verified what I had always thought of Debbie. I had assumed the Debbie I knew was the public one and that perhaps she was not that way all the time in private. However, in their loving tribute to her, Stacey and Mary shared happy and poignant stories of Debbie and spoke of her love of family and friends. She loved “sparkly” things and had many items that shone and sparkled in her home, things like indoor Christmas lights all year long, dozens of solar lights in her back yard and bright, colourful items throughout her house. This was a lady who went through life in pink sparkling runners – literally.  They were placed next to her urn, a testament to the energetic bubbly person Debbie had been. 

Debbie’s life and funeral has made me look at myself, perhaps because we were very similar in age and in the number of years we were married.  Because of that, I wonder how difficult it must have been for her those last months and weeks.  I have so much more I want to do, so many more places I want to visit and so much left to say. I’m not ready to go yet.  I suspect Debbie must have felt the same.  Still, she faced death through the months leading to it with her usual smile and enthusiasm for life.  I did not know Debbie as well as many others at her funeral did, yet I feel a tremendous loss at losing her.  I can only imagine how her family must feel. That was Debbie in a nutshell: she cast her magic wand on all who knew her and all who had the good fortune of meeting her and left a lasting impression of a sunshine smile. 

Her funeral card had a picture of her in a field of yellow flowers with her arms outstretched, wearing a straw sunhat.  The caption over the picture simply said “Little Miss Sunshine”.  Indeed she was, in all the things she surrounded herself with and within herself.  You will be missed, Debbie, and never forgotten.

Happy St. Patrick's Day

Happy St. Patrick’s Day! Why is it that the date of the death of Ireland’s patron saint is celebrated worldwide? There are many other saints and many other patron saints, but most are celebrated locally and not all over the world as St. Pat’s date is. There is something intriguing about the day and all the greenery that happens on March 17. 

The real St. Patrick was born in the 4th Century and is thought to have been taken as a slave from Roman Britain to Ireland. He escaped, returned to Britain and became a priest. He later returned to Ireland and is credited with Christianizing the Irish. Folklore says that he used a shamrock to explain the Christian doctrine of the Trinity to the Irish people. That was likely where “the wearing of the green” originated. St. Patrick’s Day and the wearing of green has been celebrated as early as the 17th century.   It is indicative of how important St. Patrick’s Day has become over the centuries that for Christians who observe Lent, the Lenten restrictions have occasionally been lifted for the one day (if St. Patrick’s Day falls during the forty days of Lent).  Many believe that this has encouraged the holiday’s tradition of consuming alcohol.

It is estimated that there are over eighty million people all over the world who are of Irish descent.  Many countries, including Argentina, Brazil, Britain, Australia, Canada and the United States have many towns and neighborhoods which were settled by Irish immigrants and their descendents continue to observe some of the traditions of their ancestors.  The most celebrated and recognizable of these traditions is the celebration of St. Patrick’s Day. 

The Irish have contributed a great deal to Canada. Irish-Canadian engineering developed and built the Rideau canal system, Irish immigrants helped build the St. Lawrence and Atlantic Railway and one-third of Canada’s 22 prime ministers were of Irish ancestry!

Today, we continue to wear green on March 17th and show off our green in other ways: bars offer green beer, the Chicago River is dyed green, and many businesses change the lights on their buildings to green for the day. The Queen presents bowls of shamrock to members of the Irish Guards on St. Patty’s Day.  The shamrock is flown from Ireland each year in time for her to do make the presentations.  Horse racing at Cheltenham Festival is held on or close to St. Patrick’s Day and is attended by large numbers of Irish people.  All over the world, people wear green and celebrate this special Irish tradition.

For those of us living in Saskatchewan, “wearing of the green” has a different meaning every other day of the year and we reserve our green pride for the Rough Riders. However, on March 17 we stand with the Irish in acknowledging their special day.  So, wear your green clothes today and maybe even tip a green beer to the memory of St. Patrick.  If you know someone who is Irish (and chances are you do), wish them a Happy St. Patrick’s Day. Loving everything green today . . . it’s a good thing!

Oh Canada!

 

The Winter Olympics have just concluded and I have just watched the closing ceremonies.  During the two weeks of the 2014 Olympics, I, like most Canadians, experienced an entire range of emotions from tense anxiety prior to games and competitions to pride as our athletes won gold, silver and bronze medals.  Even those who did not win medals displayed sportsmanship, dedication to their sport and pride for our country and we can be proud of all our Canadian athletes.  In fact, news outlets all over the world commented on the kindness and friendliness of Canadian athletes and spectators.  But no one gave us the glowing review and high praise in such detail as Tanya Chen of Buzzfeed.com, an American on-line site, in her story “10 Ways Canada Has Already Won The Winter Olympics” which she posted on February 12 – only five days into the 2014!  Five days in and she was telling the world how Canada had already won the Winter Olympics!  These are the reasons she gave (and yes, it is ok to swell your chest in pride).

1.     “When the Canadian Institute of Diversity and Inclusion released its response to Russia’s anti-LGBT laws. This was done through the release of a 30-second commercial advocating the gay rights. It is very well done, humorous but gets the point across.

2.     “When an Olympic qualifier took one for Team Canada and gave up his spot to another teammate.” Chen is of course referring to Gilmore Junio who gave up his spot in the 1000 meter speed skating to Denny Morrison. Morrison went on to win silver.

3.     “When, shortly after his win, Morrison started a Twitter campaign to select Junio as Canada’s flag bearer during the Sochi closing ceremonies.” We now know that Junio was not selected to be our flag bearer, but it was a very nice gesture on the part of Morrison.

4.     “When a Canadian coach helped a Russian skier complete his Olympic race with dignity.” This was one of my favorite moments of the Olympics.  What a wonderful action on the part of Canadian cross-country coach Justin Wadsworth and so “Canadian”.  So proud of that coach.  This was also, by the way, chosen by CNN as the third most memorial Olympic Moment out of fifteen.   

5.     “When they showed everyone up by creating an ingenious beer fridge that can only be accessed by a Canadian passport.” I love this concept and I love the pictures of Canadians accessing refreshments by scanning their passports. 

6.     “When Ottawa’s mayor shut down some haters in the best possible way.”  Mayor Jim Watson flew the Pride Flag in Ottawa through-out the duration of the 2014 Winter Olympics. Many other cities followed suite, but Chen rightly credits him because he led the way.

7.     “When only two of the Dufour-Lapointe sisters took medals home but all three siblings cheered for each other.”  These free-style skiers are so supportive of each other and take such pride in the accomplishments of their siblings. It is heart-warming to see sisters behave in this way in such a competitive setting. 

8.     “ When, after beating his fellow countryman to get gold, Alex Bilodeau left his competitor with only kind words” Bilodeau grew up with Mikael Kingsbury, they skied together, belonged to the same clubs and had the same coaches. When Alex won gold in freestyle skiing over Kingsbury who won silver, he was quick to praise him and proclaimed him to be the one who will win everything one day. 

9.     “When Bilodeau then dedicated his Olympic gold to his brother who has cerebral palsy.” We saw Bilodeau do this at the 2010 Vancouver Olympics and it was no less heart-wrenching to see him do this again in Sochi.   

10.   “And when — amid all sportsmanship and thoughtfulness — Canada actually won a bunch of medals.” On February 12 when Chen posted this, we were only up to eleven medals.  We would go on to more than double that number, which proves what Canadians have known all along: you can be nice and win at the same time. 

Tanya Chen, an American writing for an American site, has listed ten reasons why we as Canadians are winners regardless of how many medals we bring home.  Sometimes, we need to be reminded that it is ok to be nice and to be fair.  That is, after all, what makes us Canadian.   Winning the Olympics before it is even over . . . it's a good thing!

A Lesson in Compassion

 

Last week, my mother’s battle with Alzheimer’s disease came to end.  We were fortunate that my family and I were able to sit with her during her final days and to be with her as she reached that stage in her journey.  She was surrounded by people she cherished when she drew her last breath, my sister holding her hand.  Although we feel relief that her pain and confusion is over, we still grieve the loss of our mother.  We all thought we were ready for this inevitable stage, now we realize that one is never ready to lose a loved one no matter how much time you have had to prepare.

As my sister and I sat with Mom, we learned things about palliative care, compassion and support which we didn’t know before and had not realized until we were in that position. I think we learned important lessons which will make us more compassionate and will make us better people. We will, no doubt, be more supportive, and will know how to be more supportive, of friends and family members who are facing the loss of a loved one.

In the past, when friends or family were sitting by someone they cherish, waiting for them to pass, it never occurred to me to go and sit with them. It was not until I was sitting with Mom, hour after hour, day after day, that I realized how much I appreciated the friends and family who came by and sat with us. Some came only for a few minutes, others sat for hours with us. Some just sat quietly with us, others talked about Mom and their memories of her. There was much laughter and love in the room. No matter how long or how little time they stayed with us, or what they said or didn’t say, we were so grateful that they took the time to be with us and that they cared enough to do so.  I know that in the future, I will be much more attentive and supportive of family and friends who are preparing to let one of their own go. I will remember how helpful it is to have someone come by to sit and talk. I know I won’t worry about what to say or do, because it doesn’t matter. What matters is that I will be there, even if it is only a few minutes at a time. What matters the most, is that the family will know they are loved and that others feel their pain. Spending time with people who are hurting is such an easy and simple thing to do, and yet so meaningful.   

Of course, in this age of smart phones, I received many texts and emails with words of encouragement and support.  This is something else I will remember to do. Just to know that someone is thinking of you in your time of need really lifts your spirit. I am so grateful to all those friends who took the time to let me know they were thinking of us. Again this is something so simple, yet so touching. 

It is never easy to lose someone you love. I learned that having compassionate friends and family members who take the time to be with you and show you they care helps to ease the pain. Thank you to each of you and I promise to pay it forward.  Learning good things even when you are in pain . . . it’s a good thing!

Prince Albert Women's Hall of Fame

The Prince Albert Council of Women has put out its annual call for nominations for the Women’s Hall of Fame.  The Hall of Fame itself is situated on the second floor of City Hall and consists of a wall of framed pictures of each inductee.  Each year, a local woman is recognized by being inducted into the Prince Albert Women’s Hall of Fame.  The first year a woman was acknowledged in this manner was in 2004 and there has been an induction each year since. 

We all know women who give of themselves either as volunteers or in their workplace.  There are so many kind and generous women in Prince Albert who, while they never seek recognition, certainly deserve it.  As women, we often forget to acknowledge each other or the contributions of others.  This award attempts to correct that.  That is why it is so important to Prince Albert and area and why it is so vital to nominate deserving women. 

You do not have to be involved with the Council of Women, nor does the nominee.  As well, you don’t have to be a woman to submit a nomination.  So guys, feel free to fill in nomination forms.  The main criterion is that the nominee’s work must be of benefit to Prince Albert and area. 

One a nominee is chosen, the Induction Ceremony is held each year on or near March 8, which is International Women’s Day.  The induction ceremony consists of a short program, followed by presentation of the inductee’s picture to the Mayor of Prince Albert, who ensures it finds its way to City Hall to be displayed in the Hall of Fame. The program varies slightly from year to year, but it always focuses on the accomplishments of the inductee and a celebration of her contributions.

Each year, the United Nations proclaims a theme for International Women’s Day.  The 2014 theme is “Inspiring Change”.  The Saskatchewan Status of Women also proclaims a theme and this year’s theme is “Communities in Action: Ending Violence Against Women and Girls”   The two themes for 2014 actually go hand-in-hand.  One of the ways in which change can be inspired is by working together to end violence against women and girls. 

To submit the name of your nominee, go to the Prince Albert Council of Women’s facebook page where you will find a nomination form and contact information.  The deadline is February 15.

We all know generous women who are deserving of recognition.  Find the one who inspires you the most and nominate her. 

Honouring deserving women . . .  it's a good thing! 

The Third Metric of Success

As we begin a new year, it is a good time to examine new ways of taking care of ourselves and ways in which to make our lives a little simpler.

Arianna Huffington is the founder of the news website “The Huffington Post”.  In 2009, she was named in Forbes first ever list of the Most Influence Women in Media.  She firmly believes that that the workplace must be redefined and that a “third metric” needs to be added to measure success.  Presently, only two measures are used to define success: money and power.  Huffington believes that the third measure should include our well-being, and that this is as important as money and power in how we decipher success.  Her argument is that companies and businesses will be benefit when the wellbeing of their employees becomes a measurement of their success. 

In her blog, Arianna Huffington posted, “We’ve all bought into this definition of success, money and power, and it’s not working . . .  it is not working for anyone.”  She contends that companies are losing billions of dollars each year because of employee absenteeism and stress. She claims that most of this could be prevented by making employee well-being a priority and that this principle is compatible with a company profits.  Most company CEO’s would not agree with Huffington, however women in the workplace are beginning to prove her right.

Saskatoon speaker and author, and member of Canada’s Top 100 Most Powerful Women Hall of Fame, Betty Ann Heggie has this to say about Huffington’s idea: “In my opinion, Huffington is promoting the addition of the feminine energy values of success (wisdom, empathy, wellness, wonder) to the masculine energy values of money of power.  She predicts it will cause a revolution in the workplace not unlike what happened when women got the vote.  Women can make it happen by starting with themselves and making their health a priority”.    Mary Gordon, founder of Roots of Empathy, describes Huffington’s vision of a third metric as one of “well-being, wisdom, our ability to wonder and to give back”.   These women have all lived the corporate life and all know what it is to crash and burn and fight your way back to normalcy.  Arianna Huffington often tells her own story of exhaustion and hurting herself physically, and about her recovery and continued care through napping, adequate sleep, mindfulness, and self care. 

At a “Third Metric Conference” hosted by Arianna Huffington in June, 2013, the participants noted that many people suffer greatly in the pursuit of money and power.  Most experience frustration, burn-out and ill health rather than true success.  By stepping back and making a conscious decision to make self-care a top priority, success does not have to come at the cost of personal health and well-being.  In fact, if employees pursue well-being, it will be reflected in their work and will result in a more successful workplace.  Isn’t that what those CEO’s mentioned previously want?  It is ironic that by encouraging their employees to look after their physical and mental health, businesses will have a more productive and healthier workforceand yield better results than the present practice.   

 Make it your goal this year to take care of yourself:  get the sleep you need, the peace of mind you long for, the mental and physical health you deserve, laugh every day and enjoy life.  By making your own wellbeing a priority, you will improve the lives of those around you at home and at work.  Make the third metric of success your stepping stone.

 

Making the third metric of success a part of your life . . . it's a good thing!