A Lesson in Compassion

 

Last week, my mother’s battle with Alzheimer’s disease came to end.  We were fortunate that my family and I were able to sit with her during her final days and to be with her as she reached that stage in her journey.  She was surrounded by people she cherished when she drew her last breath, my sister holding her hand.  Although we feel relief that her pain and confusion is over, we still grieve the loss of our mother.  We all thought we were ready for this inevitable stage, now we realize that one is never ready to lose a loved one no matter how much time you have had to prepare.

As my sister and I sat with Mom, we learned things about palliative care, compassion and support which we didn’t know before and had not realized until we were in that position. I think we learned important lessons which will make us more compassionate and will make us better people. We will, no doubt, be more supportive, and will know how to be more supportive, of friends and family members who are facing the loss of a loved one.

In the past, when friends or family were sitting by someone they cherish, waiting for them to pass, it never occurred to me to go and sit with them. It was not until I was sitting with Mom, hour after hour, day after day, that I realized how much I appreciated the friends and family who came by and sat with us. Some came only for a few minutes, others sat for hours with us. Some just sat quietly with us, others talked about Mom and their memories of her. There was much laughter and love in the room. No matter how long or how little time they stayed with us, or what they said or didn’t say, we were so grateful that they took the time to be with us and that they cared enough to do so.  I know that in the future, I will be much more attentive and supportive of family and friends who are preparing to let one of their own go. I will remember how helpful it is to have someone come by to sit and talk. I know I won’t worry about what to say or do, because it doesn’t matter. What matters is that I will be there, even if it is only a few minutes at a time. What matters the most, is that the family will know they are loved and that others feel their pain. Spending time with people who are hurting is such an easy and simple thing to do, and yet so meaningful.   

Of course, in this age of smart phones, I received many texts and emails with words of encouragement and support.  This is something else I will remember to do. Just to know that someone is thinking of you in your time of need really lifts your spirit. I am so grateful to all those friends who took the time to let me know they were thinking of us. Again this is something so simple, yet so touching. 

It is never easy to lose someone you love. I learned that having compassionate friends and family members who take the time to be with you and show you they care helps to ease the pain. Thank you to each of you and I promise to pay it forward.  Learning good things even when you are in pain . . . it’s a good thing!